Surviving and Thriving in Toxic Relationships

Beautiful Beginnings

In the beginning, you believed you found the perfect relationship, you found THE ONE. You shared the same ideas, the same hopes and dreams, the same vulnerabilities. Your partner complimented you endlessly, saying they couldn’t believe how LUCKY they were, and they can’t EVEN remember the last time they were this happy. You felt like you were SOUL MATES.

What happened to that?

But you soon noticed your partner COMPARING you to their ex, how you were so different from them, better than them, more understanding than them. You didn’t question their intentions, you just did your best to NOT be like their ex, to keep your relationship with them PERFECT.

As time went by, you noticed your partner SAY some things to you that didn’t seem quite right. Little things happened that felt just a bit OFF, and if you said something about it, your partner reassured you that they were JUST JOKING, or that you were being too SENSITIVE.

Bit by bit, those little things got bigger and bigger. Maybe you were humiliated in front of friends and family by your partner, yet you continually excused their behavior. You found yourself bending over backwards to please them, yet they continually let you down. They wanted to spend time with you when it benefited them, yet when you needed them, they were nowhere to be found. They wanted to talk about their problems for hours, yet your problems were inconsequential. You said and did special things for them, yet your efforts went unappreciated or undervalued. They were unable to take responsibility for their behavior and talking with them only made things worse. More often than not, you felt BAD after hanging out with them instead of feeling GOOD.

You often wonder if this is just a rough patch in your relationship or if there is something wrong on a deeper level, like maybe this is a TOXIC relationship, an emotionally abusive relationship.

You analyze every conversation, every argument, every interaction you have with your partner, trying to see where you went wrong, because YOU ended up apologizing, but looking back, you only see where you had a valid point to get across.

Any expertly spoken, tactful complaint you have about their obviously offensive behavior upsets them so completely, that YOU end up apologizing for hurting THEIR feelings, usually multiple times before they finally decide that you are forgiven. And then, they continue on with their hurtful words, their snide comments, their abhorrent behavior as if nothing ever happened.

You’ve been on this rollercoaster for a while now, maybe just a few months, and maybe it’s been years. You fight, you make up. You break up and get back together, with feelings even STRONGER than before, each time thinking that perhaps your partner has changed and matured this time around. You have amazing and wonderful times together, and then a switch flips. They become a monster you don’t recognize, leaving you reeling, with your head spinning, feeling like YOU are the problem, and everything is YOUR fault. You aren’t overly sensitive, and you don’t particularly like to argue with other people, but you’ve been questioning yourself because your partner tells you over and over that YOU like to pick fights and they’re just trying to get along with YOU.

What now?

So, now you feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time. Anything you say might set them off. You don’t want to bring up ANY problem, especially if it involves your partner, because you have no idea how they will react. They could throw a fit of rage at you, they could dismissively patronize you, or they could not speak to you for days.

By this time, you think that rollercoasters must be normal, everyone must be playing mind games. You ask your friends and family for advice and they tell you that you’re just being too sensitive or that you just need to give your partner more attention. But deep down inside your gut, you know there’s more to it than just that.

You feel like you’re going crazy. You can’t even be yourself without feeling like you’re going to get in trouble. You’ve had enough of the sleepless nights, the emotional pain, the stinging tears, the heaviness with every breath you take, the slicing of your heart and soul, and the constant anxiety coursing through your veins.

You want to find yourself again. You want to have that confidence in your ability to trust yourself. You’ve been suffering through the napalm of a toxic relationship and you need HOPE. You want to have a conversation with someone who knows so deeply the details of your hurt and your broken heart…someone who’s been there and made their way out.

I can help.

Psychological abuse does not leave broken bones and bruises in its wake. This hidden abuse is insidious and puzzling, leaving a trail of people behind, shells of their former selves, searching for their self-worth, their scattered emotions, and their stable lives. Psychological abusers come in all forms: boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, parents, children, siblings, in-laws, friends, bosses, co-workers, religious leaders, mentors, etc., etc. They believe that the world revolves around them. They gain their power and find entertainment in destroying an originally happy and healthy person.

I offer you space to tell your story, but I also help you see that you aren’t crazy, that you are a strong, capable individual with the courage to put yourself back together after you have been torn apart, that you are a SURVIVOR, a THRIVER. You weren’t targeted because you were weak, they sought you out because you are STRONG. We’ll talk about your struggle, but you will also learn to recognize the signs of psychological abuse and toxic relationships. You will learn about your strengths and how to use them to your advantage in navigating future relationships. Helping you understand how toxic people operate can open your eyes to the red flags they wave. I help you focus on finding yourself again, learning to trust yourself again, and on taking your power back.

Are you ready to THRIVE?

Schedule a consultation and we can get started.